25 of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (September 20, 2026)

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  • 01
    Silly Goober @RandomSlop Sep 17 W ... @TONYZARE Subway offers sandwiches in exchange for money
  • 02
    f faget83629... @faget92... f* brocili and f* homewerk
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  • 03
    Nini @fawnblogger ⚫ Sep 13 when that 3 day happiness wears off and ur right back to where u started
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  • 04
    @thursd4ygirl. Sep 12 I've always resonated deeply with her
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  • 05
    g@34rths Sep 12 ... Some of the music I listen to is straight up bad. This is my truth sorry
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  • 06
    Pierceson "Co... @P... Sep 10 ⋅ ... Do you like my room decor?
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  • 07
    i like f... @messedupf... Sep 10 • ... Marriage tip: when your wife tells you to grab her a glass of water before bed, bring her this. Riley** @GoodBoyRiley Imagine you're d_ng of thirst and someone brings you a plate of salt cured salami
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  • 08
    USA Reject @sadreturns · Sep 9 • ... this is what it was like making small talk with your new deskmate in first grade bruhhh April showers be Bringing may flowers forreal bruh!!! vost
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  • 09
    chezza @6chezza · Sep 9 Not all relationships leads to marriage, some will help you discover psychosis
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  • 10
    cg @cargas 22 · Sep 9 One letter can change everything Knee ker S This made mr laugh so hard 7h Reply 85 Д Ratio master. Creator Who is Mr Laugh and why is he so hard? 7h Reply Mr Laugh ▸ Ratio master Hey 7h Reply 130 29
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  • 11
    • mor @moristiko Sep 8 AIN'T NEVER seen a bottle of canola oil that isn't greasy on the outside Heart Healthy 22 Chironed be Mazol Cholesterol F Mazo CANOLA IT'S ALWAYS all OF EM GOTTA BE greasy on the outside
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  • 12
    ... tomato girl @visceraldream • Sep 7 0 A lot of you are like "downtown used to be COOL, in 2019, when I was an NYU student. Now it's just full of NYU students"
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  • 13
    Goji @Goji 23 Sep 8 His name is SQUIDWARD you dumb f Barg'n M... @Canned Cooch.... Sep 5 Parody account FAMILY GUY SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS SHOULD'VE ENDED AFTER SEASON THREE
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  • 14
    O 131 I Eat BankTe... @publixdis... Sep 8 0 How i talk to myself when im bored 1h ... for the haters who think i dont boil eggs 3
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  • 15
    comput... @computer10101... Sep 7 Ø . AITA for telling my 6 year old daughter I hated her macaroni art? For context I hated it
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  • 16
    • the he... @Fredward39485... Sep 7 Ø The hand knows it will find a home on the hot stove ...
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  • 17
    zade @tylosaur - Sep 8 good morning Dr. Roberta Bobby @DrSweety303 My daughter Empathy-whom I named after my most prominent trait―is just the latest in a series of people idgaf about... 8:05 PM - Feb 7, 2022 Twitter Web App ...
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  • 18
    cav empty @cavempty_ Sep 8 • 0 she still has yet to view your instagram story my liege
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  • 19
    wally b kleepo... @kleepo... Sep 8 Ø • My worst personality trait is that I intuitively lie sometimes just to make a conversation ever so slightly more convenient, streamlined and normal
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  • 20
    Kiko @StNowhere Boy Sep 7 Sabrina Carpenter = Paul Mccartney Chappel Roan = John Lennon Olivia Rodrigo = George Harrison
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  • 21
    carl @NightlifeMingus Sep 7 Say the word and I'll move Kevin and earth to be there
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  • 22
    georgie @vilehag. Sep 7 nothing to be happy about in life lately It's hard to recall. My My mind's gone blank Fight back the tears LIKE A SCARED RABBIT AVOIDING EYE CONTACT Walking into a trap. ...
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  • 23
    Mad Men Quo... @Mad Men... Sep 8 ☑ Back-to-work Tuesday I watched the sunrise today. Couldn't sleep. Average. How was it?
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  • 24
    Cameron Bra... @camerobr.... Sep 5 ☑ Hey man... not really any good way to say this but your wife was dressed immodestly the other day and I ended up committing adultery with her in my heart ...
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  • 25
    Mason Hom... @banker... Sep 20 ... "America doesn't have outdoor dining!" Then explain this noodles&company MEDITERRANEAN
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